When I got to the bottom of the stairs and turned the corner to head towards my kitchen, I was in direct line with my daughter Caroline. She was on her computer – which meant that she was either getting ready to join a meeting or was working on a project. My movement caught her eye and she looked up. I had not had enough time to put on a brave face. She asked if I was okay. I hesitated but knew I couldn't hide. I told her I was really struggling.
She had this look on her face, that beautiful face that reveals so much of her heart. She said, “I know mommy.” In the moment of quiet that followed I thought, “Gosh, she knows me so well.” She just seems to have this intuition and awareness that helps her discern what she believes I need. Sometimes it’s like she knows when to give me the space to come to her when I'm ready. Sometimes she senses that it is the right moment to ask the questions when she doesn't know where the answers will lead. She is just willing to be present. She extends the invitation for conversation and connection but is not motivated by her own need and curiosity. She waits patiently for what I am ready to reveal.
I began to share much of what I included in my previous post. I stopped mid – sentence and blurted out, “Will you tell me if I become too much of a burden?" I didn’t say the next two lines out loud, but I was definitely thinking, “Will you let me know if it gets too hard for you to hear what I have to tell you? Or if it moves beyond this place of knowing that it is helping me process my thoughts to now becoming this weight that you can’t carry because it is bringing you down?”
She looked at me with this kind of confused and sad face and then said, “You're not a burden, mommy.”
In the space of those few seconds the words she spoke aligned with the truth I have known for myself. I don’t think of others as a burden when they tell me their stuff. Why do I have such a hard time believing the same can be true in the reverse?
At that point, it felt like a good place to pause. I was exhausted from talking and realized she had things to get back to. I gave her a kiss, thanked her for listening, and told her I was going to take a drive. As I got by the back door, she came up behind me and said, “If you feel like talking when you come home, I'll be here.” I knew she meant it.
Has it been your experience that you are happy to be there for others but are hesitant to ask the same of others?
#accompaniment #burden #capacity
