Why Would I Put Myself Out There Like This?

I am overcoming my fears and feel worthy of telling my story

I have struggled with mental illnesses for a long time. Even when I didn’t have a name for what I was suffering from, it was there. I didn’t understand why I could feel so “regular” and then I wouldn’t. And it’s not like there was the Internet where you could type in some symptoms or behaviors and get an answer.

When I first started talking about doing this blog, I received mixed reactions.  Some worried about what others would think or say to me, or about me. Honestly, it has been a relief to finally come to a place where I don’t want to hide anymore. I was tired of the energy it took to exist as I was. And it’s not that I don’t care what people think about me, it’s that I am okay with it. I doubt that it could be worse than what I have thought about myself all these years. And honestly if they do, that’s okay too because I could be cruel when it came to me. I have also had my share of unkind thoughts towards others. I believe they came from a place of woundedness. If someone says something harsh about me, that’s their truth. I don't have to own their stuff. 

I am grateful to family and friends who have asked the questions that have led me to this place. I also want to acknowledge the impact that Brené Brown has had on me. She doesn’t know me, but she feels like a friend. I first saw her 2019 Netflix special “Call to Courage” in 2022. She spoke of things that resonated with my experiences and helped me make sense of things I did not understand. I felt seen. I am drawn to her masterful storytelling and how she weaves and reveals her important research through them. 

Even when they were challenging and hard to hear and even when I had to recognize and reconcile some of those things in myself, there was comfort seeing that played out right in front of me. The more times I watched, the more I let go. I love her stories. They have made a difference for me. Often I saw myself in them and I suppose it helped me to feel safe to move. This is probably why I have watched the special twenty-one times and will likely again. Each time they have helped me go a little deeper. 

I am overcoming my fears and feel worthy of telling my story.  I am being brave with my life. 



What are your feelings about what others might think of you if they knew about your struggles with mental illness? Please share your thoughts about this or anything else that resonates with you from the post at allie joyful Facebook group.           

#acceptance  #accompaniment #burden  #coping   #courage  #forgiveness   #gratitude  #hiding     #painful   #pretending  #reality   #unpredictability   #vulnerability