I've struggled with mental illnesses for a long time. Even when I didn’t have a name for what I was suffering from, it was there. I didn’t understand why I could feel so “regular” and then I wouldn’t. And I didn't have the internet to type in symptoms or behaviors and get an answer.
When I first started talking about doing this blog, I received mixed reactions. Some worried about what others would think or say to me, or about me. Honestly, it's been a relief to finally come to a place where I don’t want to hide anymore. I was tired of the energy it took to pretend.
And it’s not that I don’t care what people think about me, it’s that I'm okay with it. I doubt that it could be worse than what I've thought about myself all these years. And honestly if they do, that’s okay too because I could be cruel when it came to me. I've also had my share of unkind thoughts towards others. I believe they came from a place of woundedness. If someone says something harsh about me, that’s their truth. I don't have to own their stuff.
I am grateful to family and friends who have asked the questions that have led me to this place. I also want to acknowledge the impact that Brené Brown has had on me.
She doesn’t know me, but she feels like a friend. I first saw her 2019 Netflix special “Call to Courage” in 2022. She spoke of things that resonated with my experiences and helped me make sense of things I didn't understand. I felt seen. I'm drawn to her masterful storytelling and how she weaves and reveals her important research through them.
Even when her stories were challenging and hard to hear, and even when I had to recognize and reconcile some of those things in myself, there was comfort seeing it played out right in front of me. The more times I watched, the more I let go. I love her stories. They have made a difference for me. Often I saw myself in them and I suppose it helped me to feel safe to move. This is probably why I've watched the special twenty-one times and will likely watch again. Each time they help me go a little deeper.
I'm overcoming my fears and feel worthy of telling my story. I'm being brave with my life.
What are your feelings about what others might think of you if they knew about your struggles with mental illness? Please share your thoughts about this or anything else that resonates with you from the post at
allie joyful Facebook group.
#courage #pretending #vulnerability
