I have lost people I loved dearly. And I have had other losses that have had a profound impact on me.
My job was eliminated right before Holy Week, 2025. I had been there for over fifteen years. I loved what I did. I didn’t consider it a job, it felt more like a vocation. I was heartbroken.
I still don’t truly understand. I was told it was because of restructuring. I’m sure it made sense to the people making the decision, but I felt completely blindsided. Many months later, I’m still grappling with how it has made me question so many things about myself. What else did I miss? Why wasn’t I enough?
No matter how many times I tell myself that I know I made a difference to others, I’m right back to that same question, “Why?” There is just this ache in me about the emptiness I feel at the loss of purpose and doing something that was so meaningful.
When I told my friend Kathy that it has been the hardest thing that has ever happened to me, she asked, “You mean harder than losing Joe, or your dad or your sister?” It probably seems ridiculous that I would compare losing a job with losing my loved ones, but I told her that it was a different kind of loss. Maybe it's because it’s on top of all the other losses. But I think it is because it’s a reflection on me and that is difficult to face.
I absolutely know that good things can come from hard things. It has happened many times before when I recognized the blessings that I wouldn’t have known if I had not gone through the difficulty. But I know this for sure. No matter any of the good that comes, nothing will diminish the memory of the pain that I feel from this experience. Even when I consider all that I cherished – the people and the work, it still closes with the same ending. There’s no way around it for me. One day things are one way and the next day they aren’t. I am gone. I feel discarded.
I do know that God sees me. And I know that He allowed this to happen. I know all of this, and I trust in His plan for me. But can I just say that I sure don’t like it.
What are the losses in your life that have left you feeling discarded? Please share your thoughts about this or anything else that resonates with you from the post at
allie joyful Facebook group.
#grief #painful #TrustInGod
