A few years ago I met a young woman named Jacqueline. At that time I worked for the Catholic Church in the ministry with persons with disabilities. Jacqueline called looking for a parish that would welcome her. Her first line to me was, “Is there any place that will accept me for just who I am?” When Jacqueline entered my world that day, I could not have known the tremendous impact she would have on my life both professionally and personally.
Jacqueline lived with many physical and mental disabilities — some were more obvious, others were not. The more she shared about her struggles, the more I wanted to know and the deeper we went. Sometimes she would look at me — often I couldn’t tell if she was pleased or incredulous with my questions, as if I should already know, or maybe she was surprised I wanted to know. She shared how unkind so many had been to her. Jacqueline had Tourette’s and with that came various forms of tics. They could be loud and startling, but when I understood, it just became an expected part of our conversations.
Jacqueline was so funny and vulnerable. She shared things because I believe she trusted me. She invited me into her world, at least some pieces of it, and I treasure what I learned from her. I cannot speak to what happened in those last moments before she couldn’t endure the unkindness and pain any longer. I just knew that I would no longer experience that beautiful young woman in a way I had grown to love and look forward to engaging.
I would speak of Jacqueline often and would share her story with others through my work. The lessons she taught me impacted how I interacted and advocated. Deep inside was this voice — my own — reaching up to where it would eventually be spoken. It took almost two years. Two years to be ready to speak my truth and share my ongoing struggles with depression and anxiety, the aftermath of my eating disorder and how these diagnoses manifested themselves in my life.
Jacqueline spoke the words that touched my heart, rocked me to the core, and inspired me to be more open about my own mental health struggles… "My mental illness doesn’t define me, but it
is part of how God made me, so what does He want me to do with this?”
